3 Nervous System Tools for Moms Who Feel Like They’re Always on Edge
If you feel like you’re always on edge- snapping at your partner, crying out of nowhere, or walking around with a pit in your stomach, you’re not alone. Many moms in early motherhood experience nervous system dysregulation, especially when navigating anxiety, trauma, or the never-ending mental load. This post breaks down what’s really going on in your body and offers three gentle, evidence-based tools to help you feel calmer, more grounded, and better able to cope with your day.
You’re Not “Too Sensitive”—You’re Overwhelmed, and That Matters
You love your children. You’re doing your best. And yet… something still feels off. Maybe your heart races when the baby monitor lights up. Maybe you go from fine to furious in seconds. Or maybe it’s just this constant hum of tension in your body that never really goes away.
This isn’t about being weak or dramatic. It’s about your nervous system doing its best to protect you in a world that asks too much of moms and offers too little support. And if you’ve gone through birth trauma, childhood emotional neglect, or the chronic stress of trying to hold everything together? That tension is real- and it’s rooted in your body.
Let’s break down what’s happening and explore three simple tools to help you feel more steady.
Understanding What’s Going On: Your Nervous System in Survival Mode
When you’re constantly anxious, overwhelmed, or emotionally reactive, it’s often a sign your nervous system is dysregulated. That means your brain and body are stuck in survival mode- either fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.
This can show up as:
Snapping at loved ones (fight)
Avoiding responsibilities or zoning out (flight/freeze)
People-pleasing or over-functioning (fawn)
In early motherhood, this is especially common. You’re sleep-deprived, hormonally shifting, and adjusting to an entirely new identity. If you’re carrying trauma or unresolved stress, your nervous system has even less capacity to cope.
The good news? You can learn to regulate your nervous system and begin to feel more calm, safe, and present.
Tool #1: Orienting- A Simple Way to Come Back to the Present
What it is:
Orienting grounds you in the here-and-now by engaging your senses.
How to do it:
Slowly turn your head left to right, taking in your surroundings
Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste
Feel your feet on the floor. Notice the temperature of the air on your skin.
When to use it:
During sensory overload, like when your baby is crying, the house is loud, and you feel like you might explode.
Why it helps:
It signals to your brain that you’re safe right now, reducing fight-or-flight responses.
Tool #2: Deep Vagal Breathing- Regulate from the Inside Out
What it is:
Deep breathing that activates the vagus nerve and calms the nervous system.
How to do it:
Inhale through your nose for 4 counts
Exhale slowly through your mouth for 8 counts
Repeat 3–5 times
Add a calming phrase if helpful: “This will pass.” “I am safe.”
When to use it:
When your heart is racing, you feel panic or dread, or you’re spiraling in anxious thoughts.
Why it helps:
It shifts your body out of survival mode and into rest-and-digest.
Tool #3: The Butterfly Hug — EMDR-Inspired Self-Soothing
What it is:
A gentle self-regulation technique from EMDR therapy that helps calm emotional overwhelm.
How to do it:
Cross your arms over your chest, hands resting on your upper arms
Gently tap left, right, left, right—like butterfly wings
Breathe deeply and notice how your body feels
When to use it:
After a triggering moment, while rocking your baby, or during a quiet break.
Why it helps:
It engages both sides of the brain, helping your body feel safe and integrated again.
A Gentle Reminder: You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
These tools are powerful, but they’re just a starting point. If you’re dealing with trauma, postpartum anxiety, or burnout, you deserve deeper support.
At Happy Moms Therapy, I specialize in helping moms regulate their nervous systems, heal from birth trauma, and feel more like themselves again. We use a combination of EMDR therapy, emotional regulation techniques, and cognitive strategies- always grounded in compassion and your lived experience.
You’re not broken. You’re not failing. You’re just carrying too much on a nervous system that never got a break.
Key Takeaways:
Feeling “on edge” is often a sign of nervous system dysregulation, not personal weakness.
Your body’s stress response is trying to protect you but it can be retrained with support.
Try orienting, deep vagal breathing, and the butterfly hug as gentle tools for regulation.
Healing takes time, but you don’t have to go it alone.
Ready to Feel Calmer, More Grounded, and Better Supported?
If you’re ready to stop white-knuckling through your days and start feeling more like you again, therapy can help. We offer trauma-informed support for moms navigating anxiety, overwhelm, and the mental load of motherhood.
🌿 Reach out today to schedule a free consultation. You deserve to feel steady, safe, and supported in this season.
Disclaimer: This is not a replacement for a therapeutic relationship or mental health services. This is for educational purposes only and should be in used only in conjunction in working with a licensed mental health professional. If you are in California and looking for a professional therapist feel free to use the contact me to request an appointment or search Psychology Today for local therapists in your area.
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