5 Sneaky Ways Postpartum Depression Shows Up
Postpartum depression (PPD) is a serious condition that affects many women after giving birth. While it's often associated with feelings of sadness and hopelessness, Postpartum Depression can manifest in many different ways. Here are five sneaky ways PPD can show up:
1. Physical Exhaustion
Newborns require a lot of attention, sleep, and feeding. This can leave new mothers feeling physically exhausted. What can make this very difficult is that your body is still healing from birth. Not only can you be mentally exhausted by it all, your body is often is a very physical state of exhaustion. Getting through the day and attending to your baby’s need (not to mention your own) can just feel so hard.
The times you are able to sleep, you likely have a million things running through your mind- that never ending to do list, the new information you want to look up about your baby’s development, that stuff you need to remember to get to at some point. Another area that gets in the way of good sleep is that a lot of mom report feeling in a more hyper-vigilant state where they are ready to immediately react to their baby’s needs. There is a part of you that is always on, always aware of every noise, movement, breath your baby is taking.
All this can certainly lead to a deeper state of exhaustion and unfortunately this can lead to increased levels of anxiety and depression. I often find that as baby starts to sleep a bit more or gets more predictable with sleep, many moms are in such a state of physical exhaustion that even if they start getting more sleep, they still feel so tired.
If you find yourself feeling excessively tired, even after getting enough sleep, it could be a sign of PPD.
2. Loss of Interest
It's normal to feel a bit overwhelmed and stressed after having a baby. Those first several weeks and even months can be really consumed by your baby- figuring out how to meet your baby’s needs, how to soothe them, etc. This is a huge adjustment and it makes sense that you are going to focus on all these baby in order to find some sort o f rhythm.
With this said, if you are finding yourself just “going through the motions” every day and just not enjoying things that used to bring you joy, this can be a sign of Postpartum Depression.
Apathy is a lack of feeling, enthusiasm or concern. It can feel like a- “meh” feeling. Kinda no feeling at all. This is also another sign of depression, as is a more emotionally numb feeling.
If you’re finding yourself losing interest in activities you once enjoyed, or feeling emotionally numb, it could be a sign of PPD.
3. Difficulty Concentrating
Those early days of postpartum are certainly a lot and not very much sleep. This can certainly lead to some brain fog and difficulties concentrating and focusing. Forgetfulness and difficulties coming up with the right word or forgetting what you were going to saw are other ways this can be experienced. While this can certainly be “normal,” especially in that hazy, sleep-deprived newborn time, this is also be a common symptom of Postpartum Depression- especially if it’s not going away in time.
If you're having trouble focusing, remembering things, or making decisions, it could be a sign that something is off and can be helpful to seek out therapy.
4. Irritability
Hormonal changes and the stress of caring for a newborn can make you feel more irritable than usual. Not to mention the lack of sleep (have we mentioned lack of sleep yet 😝). It’s perfectly normal to experience some irritability as you are navigating those first several weeks of postpartum. There are lots of changes, high demand, and very little true rest time.
With this said, if you're finding yourself consistently snapping at loved ones or feeling overly angry and resentful, it could be a sign of PPD. If you’re finding yourself getting stuck in this constant state of irritability, it may be time to seek out more help.
5. Excessive Worry
It's natural to worry about your baby's health and well-being- in fact, we are innately wired for our own and our loved one’s safety. Our brain is programed to look out for possible threats in order to prepare for safety. It makes sense that you’re going to be more alert for possible “danger” in regards for your baby- especially if this is your first baby, as all these experiences will be brand new. It can take some time to sort through what is “normal” for your baby and even for yourself postpartum.
Unfortunately, when it comes to worries- they can very quickly get out of hand. When these worries “take over” and start to interfere with your daily life- such as not being able to sleep due to the worries, or changing what you do to avoid certain fears, then this could be a sign that it is too much.
Another way worries often show up in postpartum is through intrusive thoughts. This is when fear, dark, and/or scary thoughts about your baby, yourself or other loved ones keeping “popping” in your head and it’s hard to stop thinking about them. Intrusive thoughts are actually pretty common during postpartum, but they can also be quite debilitating.
If you're finding yourself constantly worrying about the future, feeling overwhelmed by anxiety, and/or struggling with intrusive thoughts, it could be a sign of Postpartum Depression.
How to Know When to Seek Help for PPD
As you can see, many of these signs can be common experiences of Postpartum. Every mother is going to experience parts of these things during their postpartum time, so how do you know if it means something more?
An important gauge is to look at how it’s interfering with your daily functioning and quality of life. If you find these symptoms are getting in the way of sleeping, your mental wellbeing, causing difficulties within your relationships, and/or keeping you from experiencing any happiness within motherhood, it can be a sign that this is more than just the “normal postpartum adjustment.”
If you're experiencing any of these symptoms and it’s getting in the way of your daily life, it's important to reach out for help. A perinatal therapist can provide support and guidance as you navigate this challenging time.
Molly’s Experience with Postpartum Depression
My client Molly* came to me when she was 7 months postpartum with her first child. Molly expressed that she has been struggling with feeling like herself ever since her son was born. She reported that she finds herself just “going through the motions,” living till the next nap or bedtime. Yet, when she would finally get a break, she would worry a lot about how her son was doing and if she was doing enough. Molly found it difficult to concentrate and focus on anything and while she felt constantly “busy,” nothing was ever really gotten “done.” At night, even though she was exhausted, she would often stay up late, just scrolling on her phone. When she did try to get sleep, she would find herself with constant running thoughts of reviewing the day and what she should have done better and what she needs to do the next day. Molly also found herself becoming more irritable with her husband, would often snap at him, and while she would feel bad about this, she was also frustrated and resentful that her husband’s life didn’t change that much and that he seemingly was “just fine” while every part of her and life has changed. Molly asked- could she have Postpartum Depression even though she wasn’t sad and no longer in postpartum?
The answer to that was, yes. While she wasn’t feeling sad, she did have an overall low mood and met the criteria for depression with symptoms including a lack of interest in activities that she used to enjoy, mood swings and irritably, difficulties focusing and concentrating, fatigue, and difficulties sleeping. And while Molly was past the initial “6 weeks” post birth, she was still very much in the postpartum time, which I considered to be for at least one year past birth .
In therapy we focused on ways Molly can start to take care of herself. She put a lot of focus and energy into taking care of her son and the household, but neglected herself. Molly struggled with a lot of guilt around this, feeling that she needed to first be “productive” or “earn” her care. Molly acknowledged the discrepancy of this in her relationship, as her husband was able to “take” his time to workout and while this was “okay” for him, she felt that she was not “allowed” to do this, even though this had never been communicated to her. We explored this in more depth and were able to find connections with her own upbringing and the dynamics with her own parents growing up as well as the beliefs she had developed about herself and in her role as a mother.
Molly slowly started to identify her needs to first herself and then to her husband. She worked through the “mom guilt” that often would pop up when she would do something for herself. Molly also started to share more with her husband about her mixed feelings around motherhood and feeling like she had “lost” herself. Her husband was receptive and supportive of her, which then gave Molly more confidence to assert her needs more. This included requesting for more support around the mental load of taking care of their child and household. While at times there was some increased conflict due to these dynamic changes within the relationship, Molly was able to work through with her husband and in time they were able to get to a place where they both felt good about their relationship and their family.
As Molly explored her feelings and thoughts around motherhood in therapy, she was able to identify how she wants to feel and believe about it and challenge the thoughts that weren’t serving her. She learned different and healthier ways to communicate with her husband and started to value her worth in a new way.
*name and identifying information has been changed for privacy reasons
Postpartum Therapy Services at Happy Moms Therapy
If you see yourself in these signs and are interested in getting more support- here at Happy Mom’s Therapy we offer several different types of support.
We have our Postpartum Therapy Services- these are available’s to moms that are physically located in California at the time of the therapy service (this per licensing regulations).
If you are outside of California and/or are wanting a more community type support, check out The Mom Group. This is an online support group for moms and is lead by a therapist that is also a mom. The group covers common topics that are experienced in motherhood, such as personal identity, relationship struggles, boundaries, the mental load, parenting, etc. If this sounds interested to you- reach out to be put on the list for when the next group starts up.
Not quite ready to services but still looking for some extra support? Download our Postpartum Support Plan- this goes over many common struggle areas in Postpartum and includes plans for how to address them. Get it below!
Disclaimer: This is not a replacement for a therapeutic relationship or mental health services. This is for educational purposes only and should be in used only in conjunction in working with a licensed mental health professional. If you are in California and looking for a professional therapist feel free to use the contact me to request an appointment or search Psychology Today for local therapists in your area.
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