Motherhood Is Political (Even When You Wish It Weren’t)
Many moms come into therapy believing their anxiety, burnout, or overwhelm is a personal failure.
They wonder:
“Why can’t I handle this better?”
“Other moms seem to manage, what’s wrong with me?”
But what if the truth is this: modern motherhood is happening inside deeply political systems that were never designed to support mothers, especially not equitably, sustainably, or humanely.
There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re responding exactly as a nervous system would when placed under chronic, structural strain.
Let’s talk about how politics has shaped motherhood today and why naming this matters for your mental health.
Motherhood Has Always Been Political (We Just Don’t Call It That)
From the moment you become a mother, politics enter your life- whether you want them to or not.
Politics influence:
How much (or little) parental leave you get
Whether childcare is affordable or accessible
If your body is protected during pregnancy, birth, and postpartum
Whether mental health care is available and covered
How much support is expected from partners versus mothers alone
Yet culturally, mothers are told to individualize systemic problems:
“Just try harder.”
“Be more grateful.”
“Lower your expectations.”
This disconnect between what’s expected of mothers and what society actually provides, is a major source of emotional distress.
Reproductive Autonomy and Maternal Mental Health Are Linked
Political decisions about reproductive health don’t just impact access- they impact felt safety in the body.
When bodily autonomy is threatened, many mothers experience:
Heightened anxiety and hypervigilance
Grief or anger layered onto pregnancy and birth experiences
Fear about future pregnancies
A sense of powerlessness that mirrors trauma responses
Your nervous system doesn’t separate “politics” from lived experience. It responds to safety- or the lack of it.
Giving Birth Is Political, Too
Long before a baby is fed, a mother’s body becomes a political space- especially in how she is expected to give birth.
Pregnant people are often inundated with messages about the “right” way to deliver:
Natural birth as the gold standard
Home birth or unmedicated labor as more “empowered”
Epidurals framed as giving up or taking the “easy way out”
Medical intervention portrayed as failure rather than support
While choice is emphasized rhetorically, judgment often follows quietly behind it.
The Myth of the “Right” Birth
Birth culture frequently elevates certain experiences while minimizing others. But birth does not happen in a vacuum- it happens inside:
Hospital policies and insurance constraints
Racial and socioeconomic disparities in maternal care
Provider bias and unequal pain management
Risk tolerance shaped by privilege and access
What’s framed as a personal preference is often deeply shaped by what options are realistically available and safe.
When a mother feels pressured to endure pain, avoid medication, or pursue a specific kind of birth to be seen as “strong” or “good,” that pressure is not neutral- it’s political.
Pain Management Is Not a Moral Issue
Choosing or needing pain relief is not a reflection of strength, commitment, or maternal instinct.
And yet, many mothers carry lingering shame or self-doubt for:
Accepting an epidural
Needing a C-section
Experiencing medical intervention
Feeling relief rather than transcendence
This moralization of pain places impossible expectations on birthing people and disconnects them from their own bodily autonomy.
For some, these experiences become layered with trauma, especially when consent, communication, or emotional safety were compromised.
Birth Trauma Lives in the Nervous System
When birth doesn’t go as planned or when a mother feels powerless, dismissed, or pressured, those experiences don’t just live in memory.
They live in the body.
Flashbacks, hypervigilance, dissociation, grief, or anger can emerge weeks or months later. And often, mothers feel they aren’t “allowed” to struggle because:
“At least the baby is healthy.”
But minimizing maternal experience is another way politics shows up— prioritizing outcomes over lived experience.
Your Birth Story Is Valid- All of It
There is no morally superior way to give birth.
There is only:
What felt safest
What was available
What your body and nervous system needed
What happened within the systems around you
You are allowed to grieve the birth you wanted.
You are allowed to feel proud of the birth you had.
You are allowed to hold both at the same time.
Naming birth as political doesn’t take away from its intimacy—it honors the full context in which mothers are asked to be brave.
Postpartum Mental Health Exists Inside Policy (or Lack of It)
Many mothers experience postpartum anxiety, depression, or trauma not only because birth is intense, but because recovery happens in isolation.
Consider this reality:
Moms return to work before they are physically and/or emotionally ready to
Sleep deprivation is normalized rather than treated as a health risk
Postpartum care often ends after one medical visit
Mental health support is expensive, inaccessible, or stigmatized
When a mother struggles emotionally in this context, it’s not a weakness- it’s a predictable response to insufficient care.
Feeding Our Babies and Our Children Is Also Political
Few topics carry as much quiet judgment as how we feed our children.
Breastfeeding. Formula. Pumping. Combo feeding.
Organic purées. Baby-led weaning. Fast food on hard days.
Homemade meals. Store-bought snacks. What’s “clean,” “natural,” or “good enough.”
On the surface, these choices are framed as personal. But in reality, they are deeply shaped by political, economic, and systemic forces.
Infant Feeding: Choice Within Constraint
Mothers are told:
“Breast is best.”
Yet politics determine:
Whether paid parental leave exists to support breastfeeding
If lactation support is covered by insurance
Whether workplaces accommodate pumping
If formula is affordable, regulated, and accessible
How much shame or moral pressure is placed on mothers’ bodies
When systems don’t support mothers, “choice” becomes constrained.
Many moms carry guilt or grief around feeding- especially when their feeding journey didn’t match their hopes. That emotional weight doesn’t come from nowhere. It’s shaped by policies and cultural narratives that moralize feeding while withholding support and avoiding responsibility.
Feeding Children Later: Privilege, Access, and Judgment
As children grow, feeding remains politicized.
What a child eats is influenced by:
Food deserts and access to fresh food
Cost of organic or specialty diets
Time scarcity in households with working parents
Cultural food traditions versus dominant wellness culture
Marketing and regulation of ultra-processed foods
And yet, mothers are often judged as if food choices exist in a vacuum.
When a mom reaches for fast food on an exhausting day, it’s not a failure- it’s often a reflection of how little structural support exists for families.
The Emotional Toll on Mothers
Because feeding is framed as a measure of “good motherhood,” many moms internalize anxiety and shame:
“Am I harming my child?”
“Am I doing enough?”
“Should I be trying harder?”
This constant pressure keeps mothers hypervigilant and self-critical- another way political systems quietly land in the nervous system.
Feeding becomes not just nourishment, but a demonstration of worth.
Naming This Is Not an Excuse- It’s Relief
Recognizing feeding as political isn’t about taking responsibility away from parents.
It’s about:
Reducing shame
Creating compassion
Understanding why motherhood feels so loaded
Allowing room for nuance instead of perfection
Your child needs nourishment and a regulated caregiver.
And mothers deserve support- not surveillance and judgment.
The Mental Load Is a Political Issue
The “mental load” isn’t just about who remembers the diaper sizes or schedules pediatrician appointments.
It’s rooted in:
Gendered expectations reinforced by policy
Workplace structures built around male breadwinner models
Lack of paid leave and affordable childcare
Cultural narratives that position mothers as default caregivers
When systems fail to support families, the labor doesn’t disappear- it lands on mothers.
And when that invisible labor becomes overwhelming, moms often internalize shame instead of recognizing the structural imbalance at play.
Why This Matters in Therapy
In therapy, many moms are trying to regulate themselves inside systems that remain dysregulating.
That’s why effective maternal mental health care:
Validates systemic stressors instead of minimizing them
Helps moms unlearn self-blame rooted in unrealistic expectations
Builds nervous system regulation and self-compassion
Recognizes rest, boundaries, and support as necessary- not indulgent
Self-care isn’t a bubble bath solution to systemic burnout.
Sometimes it’s an act of resistance.
You’re Allowed to Name the Bigger Picture
You can love your baby deeply and feel angry about how unsupported you are.
You can feel grateful and exhausted.
Privileged and overwhelmed.
Strong and in need of help.
Holding this duality isn’t failure- it’s clarity.
And when we stop personalizing political problems, something powerful happens:
Shame loosens its grip.
A Gentle Reframe for Mothers
If motherhood feels harder than you expected, ask yourself:
What systems are missing that support should be providing?
Your mental health doesn’t exist in a vacuum.
And healing isn’t just about coping- it’s also about being seen, validated, and supported in context.
You deserve care that understands both your inner world and the world you’re mothering inside of.
Disclaimer: This is not a replacement for a therapeutic relationship or mental health services. This is for educational purposes only and should be in used only in conjunction in working with a licensed mental health professional. If you are in California and looking for a professional therapist feel free to use the contact me to request an appointment or search Psychology Today for local therapists in your area.
Related Posts
