Feel Like You’re Failing at Motherhood? Let’s Talk About Unrealistic Expectations of Motherhood
You wake up tired, even though you barely slept.
You’re trying to keep up with feeding schedules, nap routines, laundry piles, and somehow still find time to respond to texts, look “put together,” and maybe, just maybe, a shower.
You love your baby. Deeply.
And yet… you find yourself whispering inside:
“Why does this feel so hard?”
“Why am I always behind?”
“Am I failing at this?”
If you’ve been feeling like you’re not enough, like you’re messing this whole motherhood thing up, please hear this:
You are not failing.
You are living in a system that sets mothers up to feel like failures.
The Lie of the “Good Mom”
From the moment you announce your pregnancy, the expectations start rolling in. Be glowing, but not too emotional. Have a perfect birth plan, but go with the flow. Breastfeed, at all costs. Go back to work, but don’t miss a milestone. Stay home, but don’t lose yourself.
The pressure is constant- and often contradictory.
Modern motherhood tells you to:
Be fully present with your baby, but also keep the house clean
Be calm, connected, and emotionally regulated 24/7
Cook nutritious meals, maintain your relationship, and bounce back physically
Prioritize self-care but never inconvenience anyone else in the process and make sure you are present for all things family
It’s a perfection trap- one that leaves mothers feeling like they’re always falling short.
Why You Feel Like You’re Failing (It’s Not You)
If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, ashamed, or stuck in comparison, it’s not because you’re not doing enough. It’s because the expectations placed on you are not realistic.
Many of the moms we work with at Happy Moms Therapy are high-achieving, capable, thoughtful women who are used to managing a lot. And yet, early motherhood knocks them sideways- not because they’re weak, but because they’re being asked to do the impossible.
All without adequate rest, support, or societal systems in place to actually help.
You’re supposed to raise a baby, recover from birth, nurture a relationship, maintain friendships, possibly work, and somehow “enjoy every moment” of it all?
Of course you feel like you’re failing.
Because the standard is broken- not you.
What Happens When We Internalize These Expectations
When unrealistic standards are all we see, we start believing that any struggle is a personal failure. That we’re doing it wrong. That everyone else is handling it better.
This leads to:
Shame: “Why can’t I just be happy?”
Isolation: “No one else seems to be struggling like this.”
Anxiety: “What if I’m messing up my baby?”
Depression: “I don’t even know who I am anymore.”
Burnout: “I don’t have anything left to give.”
It’s not that you can’t handle motherhood.
It’s that no one was meant to carry all of this alone, in silence, under the weight of impossible ideals.
What You Actually Need (That No One Talks About)
You don’t need to be perfect.
You don’t need more tips or hacks.
You need support, validation, and space to be a human mother- not a superhuman one.
You need permission to:
Feel your feelings- even the messy, inconvenient ones
Set boundaries without guilt
Ask for help without feeling like a burden
Grieve what you’ve lost, even while loving your baby
Redefine what success in motherhood means to you
And that’s exactly what therapy can offer.
How Therapy Can Help You Reclaim Your Voice and Your Worth
At Happy Moms Therapy, we work with mothers who are tired of feeling like they’re failing. We help you:
Unpack and challenge the unrealistic beliefs you’ve internalized
Build tools to manage anxiety, perfectionism, and people-pleasing
Regulate your nervous system so you’re not always in fight-or-flight
Process past trauma that may be getting activated in motherhood
Feel more confident, grounded, and connected to yourself again
You’re allowed to struggle.
You’re allowed to take up space.
You’re allowed to rewrite the rules.
Motherhood doesn’t have to mean self-erasure.
You Are Not Failing- You Are Rising in Resistance
Every time you say, “This is too much,”
Every time you rest instead of pushing through,
Every time you ask for help,
You are resisting a system that tells you to disappear into motherhood.
That’s not weakness.
That’s power.
You deserve support that honors you- not just as a mother, but as a whole person.
Disclaimer: This is not a replacement for a therapeutic relationship or mental health services. This is for educational purposes only and should be in used only in conjunction in working with a licensed mental health professional. If you are in California and looking for a professional therapist feel free to use the contact me to request an appointment or search Psychology Today for local therapists in your area.
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